Writer's Block of Sirius Black
by Dignified Madman
Summary: Sirius Black has fallen in love with James Potter. He tries to get his best mate to feel the same way. The title has so little to do with the story, that is has everything to do with the story. Slash!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One  
Pairing: **Sirius/James  
**Rating: **Teen because DM is a potty mouth.  
**A/N:** The first chapter is drabble length. I doubt that the other chapters will be as short. I just needed to set the mood, and there is is.

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I saw him for the first time.

I was sitting in Potions class and he walked thought the door, late. His hair was ruffled, and he had a dazed look in his eyes. I had seen him so many times before, but this was the first time I actually _saw_ him.

"Hey, did I miss anything?" he said as he sat beside me.

I am not usually one who would be flustered by the presence of another, but I was out of words.

"What's wrong with you, mate? You don't look well," he said, running me over with his eyes.

"Nothing, it's just the heat from the cauldrons," I said quickly. Maybe that was it. It was all just the heat. I was hallucinating, that's all. That was my perfectly logical explanation.

"Maybe you should have a lie down. Actually, that doesn't sound like a bad idea. I think I'll tell ol' Slughorn I'm not feeling too well, either." He ended his sentence with a playful punch on my shoulder. I nearly jumped at his touch.

I don't know why I did it. It was the sort of thing that mates did all the time.

"Geeze, you're acting like Peter. Are you sure you're okay?" the jest in his face being replaced by concern.

"Actually," I said, my voice rising a few octaves higher than normal, "I think I'm going to pay Madam Pomfrey a visit."

After all, it wasn't normal when a seventeen year old boy begins to fancy his best mate.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two  
A/N:** This chapter is slightly longer ... It'll get longer ... hopefully

* * *

Going to the hospital was a waste of time. Well, it wasn't a _complete _waste, considering I missed Slughorn's class, but it was a waste none-the-less.

Madam Pomfrey found nothing wrong with me. I, personally, don't think she was looking hard enough. How could nothing be wrong with me? What could explain my reaction in class?

Maybe I was over reacting. It could be possible that my subconscious made me hallucinate to skip Potions? That had to be the explanation. I was quite proud of myself for explaining it so well. What can I say, I am a genius!

To reward myself for my excellence, I decided to head down to the Great Hall early for lunch. After all, a hard working brain needed stimulants. I hoped that fish and chips were on the menu. I really did have a craving for tartar sauce covered grease.

I swaggered into the Great Hall, ready to claim whatever seat my lovely arse decided to sit itself upon, when a wave of disappointment hit me square in the face. First of all, I appeared to have miscalculated, and I was, instead of being early for lunch, quite on time. Second of all, the house elves were _not_ serving fish and chips, but _quiche_. I _hate_ quiche.

Reluctantly, I half-swaggered towards the Gryffindor table. I scanned the table for three blokes and an empty spot. Much to my surprise I couldn't find what I was looking for.

I paraded along the aisle, ready to jinx whoever was in my seat. Just because I went off to the hospital wing, does _not_ mean they can replace me.

I found my mates seated at the centre of the table. My eyes locked upon my replacement, and my grip tightened around my wand. The lucky person in my seat was _James' bookbag_. They replaced me with a bookbag! That was it; I was going to show no mercy. If they had replaced me with a bird, I would have understood, but a _bookbag_. That was unforgivable. That was –

"Oi, Pads," James said with a grin, "I thought you would have been out the whole day. Here, have a seat." He relocated his bookbag to under the bench. I just stared at him. He then started to pat the seat in a seductive manor. I started to feel a tightening sensation in my pants.

"I hate quiche," I said trying to sound casual, "I'm going to do things. I'll see you next class."

I received a blank stare form James, Peter, and Remus (who had pried himself away from his book). I shrugged to show them that it didn't matter, and to shift my robes into an inconspicuous location.

Could my day get any worse?


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three  
A/N: **This is what I do in religion class when people are presenting their projects. Bad me.

* * *

Oddly enough, the day progressed normally. Well, as normal as can be when avoiding your best friend. I did it quite well, too. Even in the classes we had together, I sat facing the board, instead of at James, and was engrossed in my work. I think I did a good job acting normal, I don't think anyone noticed a difference.

The time I wasn't in class, I spent in the library. I discovered that they _do_ have some interesting stuff in there. I, Sirius Orion Black, read an entire chapter of _The Late Hector Kipling(1)_. It was pretty interesting, I couldn't put it down.

I looked at my watch; it was 10:00PM. I figured that I'd better be heading back to the dorm room, it was getting quite late. (I was being kicked out of the library)

I figured that the Marauders would be already in bed, so I could slip in undetected. I had miscalculated; the blokes were up, and having a good time. James was sitting on his bed handing out cauldron cakes and firewhisky. I love cauldron cakes and firewhisky.

"Oi, James," I called from the door, "Where's my cauldron cake?"

He looked over at the door, and the cake that was hovering over Peter's head hit him in the face. "I gave your cake to Pete," he said with a shrug. It was a sexy shrug, but the sexiness of it couldn't divert me.

"Why the hell would you give _him_ my cauldron cake?!"

"You weren't here, I had an extra one," he leaned back as he spoke.

"Whatever," I said frustrated. I slumped onto the bed, hoping the jolt would make my brain work properly.

"You can have half of mine, if you want," Remus said holding out half of the cake to me. I held out my hand, glowering at James. I put the cake in my mouth, and the sugar calmed me down.

"So, what are we up to tonight, lads?" I jumped off my bed. "Remus, pass me your firewhisky." I held out my hand until I felt the cool surface of the bottle collide with my hand. I held the bottle up to my lips. I felt the burning sensation slide down my throat, it felt good.

"Actually, Sirius," my head turned in the direction of James, "I've got to get up early tomorrow. Lily and I have a date."

"What?" I felt my heart stop.

"He means, he has a prefect meeting in the morning," Remus said as he grabbed his book. I looked at the title, _The Late Hector Kipling(1)_; it was the one I read in the library.

"Alright then, I'm off to the shower. Anyone want to join me?" I was hoping that James would agree to go with me only because I like having company. Not because I was fancying him, or something like that. None of them looked in my direction. "Don't wait up for me." I grabbed my bath stuff and left the room in a huff.

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(1) - _The Late Hector Kipling _is the title of David Thewlis' new book. Did anyone catch that? 


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

* * *

I returned to my dorm feeling clean and quite pleasant; I almost had forgotten why I was so upset. I couldn't let petty arguments get in the way of a friendship. After all it was –

The blokes were fast asleep.

I couldn't believe it. I thought I told them clearly not to wait up for me. Since when do they actually listen to what I say? It's not like they _all_ have to get up early tomorrow. Sure, Remus and James might, in reality, have a prefects' meeting, but what about Wormtail? I know that he's got nothing to do.

I wish he had stayed up. Then we could have had a gossip session about James. Who knows James better than Peter? I wanted him to be up. I felt so lonely. Stupid mates.

I woke up with a surprise in my pants. I had an odd dream about James popping out of a rather large cauldron cake wearing only a firewhisky label. I rolled over uncomfortably and looked at my clock; twenty minutes until class. I had plenty of time to take a cold shower before Arithmancy.

xxx

I took my usual place beside Remus in class. I looked over at the paper that he was scribbling on and saw that he had already started the assignment written on the board. He didn't even acknowledge me. I continued to edge myself closer to his desk; he didn't notice me until I was practically on top of him.

"What is it?" Remus said, slightly irritated. I personally thought he had no right to be irritated, even just slightly. He hadn't been abandoned by his friends all night, like a certain someone I know and love.

"How'd the meeting go?" I tried to ask casually.

"Since when do you care?"

"Since right now."

He looked at me as if I just asked him to explain to me where babies come from. That being a question I would never ask, since I full well knew where babies come from and had to explain it to Moony here in second year.

"Fine, I don't care about what happened at the meeting. I don't care that all my friends feel the need to exclude me from all of their endeavours. I'll just wallow in self pity at my desk. And you know what Remus; I'll actually do the assignment - without your help." I slid my chair back to my desk and proceeded to sulk.

Remus gave me a sideways glance, placed some chocolate on my desk and returned to his calculations. I hated when he did that.

I looked up on the board and read the assignment _Read pages 306-330 and answer questions 1-42. _I let out a loud groan. Why did I make that threat? I should have just kept my mouth shut and let Remus do my assignment for me. I picked up the chocolate Moony gave me and nibbled on it spitefully, waiting for the class to end.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

* * *

The ringing of the bell couldn't have come soon enough; I was long finished my piece of chocolate and couldn't bear to ask for another one. Oh how I missed my Remus! I swiftly began to pack up my writing utensils that I hadn't bothered to unpack in the first place and sulked out behind my least favorite werewolf.

The next few classes went by in a similar fashion – minus the chocolate. The cold heartless professors continued to pile on work. The gods of tragedy must have been smiling upon me because I do not remember even being assigned this much work in my life. To make matters worse, Moony was not affected by this situation at all. He strolled on through his day as if I had never made any threats. The nerve of him! He should have been begging me to take him back – well, an apology would be nice – maybe a glance in my direction – something.

"You're awfully quiet Pads," James wrote to me in our afternoon class.

"Can't talk, paying attention," I replied.

"Paying attention? Seriously, what's up?"

"I am finally concerned about my academic standing. I can't slack off forever."

"Did you and Moony get into a tiff?"

"No we did not. And since when are you concerned about my well being?"

"What's gotten into you?"

"Obviously not a cauldron cake"

"You're still upset about that? Geeze, I'll get you a cake today. Hell, I'll get you two."

"Sod off!" I threw the paper back so hard that I fell off of my chair. When I looked up I noticed the paper had landed to the left of Prong's chair.

"Mr. Black is there a problem?" the professor asked.

"You know what, there is." I huffed as I pulled my self back onto my chair.

The professor looked at me as if he expected me to blow up on the spot. "Er – would you like to do something about your problem?"

"I would, but I've got to pay attention to the lesson." I responded as I re-inked my quill. After all, I couldn't depend on my friends anymore.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note:** Here I am with my sixth instalment of WBSB. I would like to say that things are moving along nicely, but that would only be a half truth.

* * *

Doing homework was much harder than I thought it would be. I actually had to read the textbook, and then write my answer. It sounds really simple when I put it like that, but sometimes I would have to read pages of information for just one sentence of information. How did Remus make it look so easy?

I was so focused on finding the correct calculation to predict death that I didn't even notice Wormtail sitting beside me until he spoke, "Hi, Sirius, I lost a game of troll, wizard, elf, so I had to come and talk to you."

He didn't need to make it seem like it was such a chore. The one thing I hated more than homework was chores, and I did not appreciate being regarded as a thing I hate. To show my distain, I dragged my textbook under my nose like I had seen Remus do many times before and ignored him.

"I know that you are mad at us, but tell me what's wrong so we can fix it. But I guess if you don't want to talk you don't have to."

There was the friendly hand that I had been waiting for, reaching out to me lending me support in my time of need. "Oh Peter! It's awful. I feel so betrayed by you blokes, so isolated," I poured out all of my accumulated feelings over the last 24 hours (minus James) to my saviour. He sat so quietly, absorbing everything I had to say. "I don't know what to do, Peter. I need you to help me." I finished with that plea.

He looked at me, sorting through what I knew were wise words before saying, "I'll let Remus and James know you feel that way and I'm sure we can all be friends again."

Peter was officially my new best friend, and James and Remus we're both tied for last place. I could see that Peter truly cared about me since he was the only one brave enough to talk to me. "Bless you, Peter, you are a true Gryffindor. "


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**A/N:** So I've come back from the dead. I've decided it was best to write two chapters because I disappeared for so long. I also couldn't just leave this chapter without following it up. I wonder if I even have readers anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if you all disappeared as well. Anyway, enjoy!

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**

It's really hard when your best friend is friends with your enemy. Every time I went to have quality boytalk with Peter, at least one of the others would be there. All of them would have a gay old time chatting it up, and I would be completely left out of the conversation. The nerve! Whenever I would try to interject, they would give me this weird look. It was a look that said "Oh you're actually speaking, well go on, but actually I could care less if you speak."I would not put up with it, so I hid behind my book, giving death glares when the time permitted.

The worst part of the day was after curfew because that meant I had to be locked in the room with James and Remus. I would not let them have the best of me! I was going to take matters into my own hands! When Remus and James left to use the toilet I sprung my plan into action.

"Psst! Wormtail!" I hissed from my bed.

" Yeah Padfoot. Is everything alright?"

I squirmed to the edge of my bed leaning forward. "Come onto my bed." He gave me a quizzical look and sat on my bed. I nudged him into the centre and shut the curtains. "Muffliato."

"What are you doing?" He said his eyes starting to get wide.

"Oh come on! I'm not going to hurt you. I just wanted to have a private conversation. There are too many prying ears here." I glared in the direction of James' bed.

"Are you still feeling not accepted? I talked to Remus and James about it and they don't understand how they've done anything wrong."

"Yes I still feel unloved! It's awful! It's like I can't even look at them without feeling the daggers in their eyes. But talking to you now is making me feel a lot better!"

The emotions were bubbling up inside me, and threatened to overflow. I had been without kindness for far too long. If Peter hadn't come into my life I am not sure what I would have done. I needed to show him my gratitude the only way I knew how: I leapt forward and gave him a giant hug and kiss.

"What on earth is going on here?" James bellowed as he ripped open the curtain. Note to self: use as fastening charm as well. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8

* * *

**

Well, this was awkward.

"What is this!"

"Prongs, what are you yelling about?" Now it was Remus' turn to have a look. "Oh..." There was a disappointed shock quality to his voice that was overshadowed by my own embarrassment.

"Wormtail ... Padfoot ..." James could contain himself no longer. He burst out into laughter and then fell to the floor. James was becoming breathless and sweaty at my expense, but not in the way I had imagined.

"Um ... Sirius," Remus could barely speak over James' laugher. "Are you finished yet? Thanks. Sirius, is this why you've been avoiding us?"

Yes! But no! This was far too complicated to explain. I just wanted to sink into my covers and never see the light of day again. And that is what I did.

"Padfoot, you don't need to hide. Seriously, James, stop it! Just come out and we can talk about it. No one is judging you."

"Really?" I said popping my head out of the covers.

"Really."

"Well, I've been so alone forever! You all won't talk to me, and when you do you are rude to me. I've had to eat lunch by myself and do my own homework. I READ A BOOK! Wormtail was the only one who showed me kindness in this dark time, and all I wanted to do was thank him!" I started to get misty eyed.

"Oh sod off! Stop being such a wanker. We've been treating you the exact same, it's you who's been acting weird. If you and Wormy have this queer thing together, whatever, just stop trying to gain sob points." I wanted to be so mad at James for saying that, but the way he dominated the situation was just so sexy. Damn him.

"Prongs, you're not helping anything. Do you know how hard it is to come out as a queer?" Remus' voice was rising.

"Why do you?"

Remus shrank back, "No, of course not."

There was something weird in Remus' response. I'm sure we all would have picked up on it if the focus wasn't on me. Damn it, why was the focus on me? 


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**A/N:** I'm kind of surprised at how fast I'm writing these chapters considering this story was considered dead a few days ago. In any case, enjoy.

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**  
**

I, Sirius Orion Black, kissed a bloke. That doesn't make me a poofter because Wormtail is just a friend, it's not like I have feelings for him. There is no way I can be gay if I don't have feelings for the boy I kissed. Then there is Prongs, but he's my best mate, of course I have strong feelings for him. They can't be feelings of attraction, could they?

Those were the thoughts that kept going through my head all night. I don't think I got a bit of sleep, which was pretty unfortunate because I need my beauty sleep. I don't look handsomely dishevelled by actually being dishevelled. It takes effort to look like I put no effort in my appearance at all. And I owe it to the ladies to look great every morning. Perhaps my actually dishevelled appearance of today was my way of letting the world I didn't care about the ladies anymore. Maybe this was my way of coming out of the closet, unintentionally of course. But maybe it was written in the stars. Oh how I wished I paid more attention in arithmancy. This was a problem that only Remus could answer.

"Hey Remus," I said as I quietly approached him in the library. "I have an important question to ask you."

He looked up from his book – it was that book again, _The Late Hector Kipling_, and he was almost finished it, "I'll do my best to help. What is it Pads?"

"Do you think that people can choose their own sexual orientation, or is it written in the stars? I only ask because I have an arithmancy assignment to do, and we both know I never pay attention in that class."

"Pad, first off the study of celestial bodies' affect on human lives is astrology, not arithmancy. Secondly, does this have anything to do with last night? Thirdly, I'm not Prongs, we can talk about things and I won't judge you."

"Really? Oh Remus! You have no idea –"

"Oh condition, you are not allowed to be dramatic. Once you pull out the dramatics this conversation is over."

"But –"

"Understand?"

"Alright. I don't actually have an arithmancy assignment to do – well, I might, but that is your job to know those things– anyway, I only brought it up because I'm a bit confused with my feelings. Sirius Black confused with his feelings? IT'S UNHEARD OF! –" and before I could continue Madame Pince swooped around the corner and kicked me out of the library.

So much for that plan. 


End file.
